Thursday, November 8, 2007

home is where you are



bittersweet...
our last night at berthegon...i'm sitting in the common room with carson, leah and julia, drinking homemade mulled wine and writing my reflections in "the banana book," the youngs' book of all previous helpxer commentary of their experiences here. tonight we had a huge bonfire, burning all of the brambles that we heaved and hoed over the fenceline, all the ivy roots that we so committedly pulled from their pieces of earth surrounding the property. it was a large fire, and we drank the mulled wine and ate pancakes with nutella and homemade walnut butter and blackberry apple jam and butter...

i am feeling so sad to leave...i grew quite attached to being here, to being a part of this wonderful family, to leah and julia, and to this simplified way of life. it's been nourishing to stay put for a couple of weeks. today carson and i took a precious walk with mhairi down the green line and at one point she said "shoes!" and we took her out of her pram and walked with her...she grabbed one of each of our hands and the three of us walked down the trail, saying "woo hoo!" and "animals!" and "bramble!" and "mommy!" and "carson!" and "flower!" as she picked up leaves and acorns and tromped down the trail. it almost made me cry. how is it that you truly start appreciating where you are sometimes just as you are about to leave. i wished i had another week here to revel in being here. so often i'm comparing or waiting to get to the next place or longing for what i left behind. i'm thankful that i was able to really enjoy being here these past few days and let myself integrate into being present where i am. this is one of my best lessons and experiences of our trip so far, and my experience here will enhance the rest of our journey for sure.

carson and i have found a wonderful joy in this community, much laughter and fun just getting to know new people and spending so much time with them. last night we took a walk with julia and were all talking about travel and how much we love it but how HARD it is to miss people we love so much from home, to be away from them while we discover...and then we keep meeting new people to love and to be with and to leave and to miss...i want to keep remembering that "home is where you are," as my friend floyd told me once right before i left for heartwood, and to continue to carry all my homes with me and to keep letting new places become home for me, again and again and again, and to let my definition of community expand, to let my definition of family expand, infinitely. why hold that back? why hold back any part of myself? why hold back laughter or the expression of who i am?

tonight as the sun set a little white van pulled up, and at last, the goat cheese van had arrived (we'd been missing it the past two weeks)....up pulled the cutest little van who's doors opened to reveal a full back cab full of goat cheese....logs and fresh chevre and pepper chevre and shallot chevre and chevre with fruite compote and chevre with salmon...we bought a little bit and it was oh so charming and tasty.

tomorrow morning we have breakfast and then carson, leah and i leave with colin for barcelona...we're stopping in toulouse for tea and then i think we're making it to barcelona in the evening. i'm not sure what our internet access will be for the next few days (or few weeks for that matter, i don't think we will have internet at our homestay in Italy)....but we'll write when we can and we'll take lots of pictures and we'll think of all of you often and send you our love...feel free to write to us and let us know that you're listening! (carsonandmelissa@gmail.com) this week we're going to 6 countries with 6 languages! (france/spain/slovakia/austria/slovenia/italy)!!! wow!

thank you for reading!
love,
melissa

1 comment:

Gracefully Kira said...

Hi you two,

That's a beautiful entry Melissa. It really struck a chord with me. I remember on my trip getting that same revelation, and realizing how much I, too, do the same thing of always comparing where I am now to what I wish was happening or where I want to be. I think it's one of the best lessons to learn (and so hard to remember sometimes!) I've always read all of these books and been part of these discussions that talk about being present here, now. I think for me it wasn't until my last trip that I really got that down to my toes...

I miss you guys. I hope our paths cross on the road.

Kisses,

Kira